apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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