The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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