I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
