ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
