The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
