Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
