you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
