I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize