Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
