so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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