triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
