If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
please come you make the beer taste better
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
