I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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