Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
