At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
