So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize