the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
