just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
