Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
