Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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