Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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