what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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