yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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