We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
