I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize