3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
