Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
