This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You smell like stripper and shame
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
