Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Are we still banned from the library?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
