4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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