There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
