Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i love accidental penises.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How naked do you want me to be?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
