I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
