I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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