haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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