Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
