Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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