I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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