I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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