Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
