Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
