Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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