he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my shit smells like andre
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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