I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sorry about my life...
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