He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
