fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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