he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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