Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize