I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
