So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
