he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
