I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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