your room smells of hookers.
And success
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
