So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
