Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize