I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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