More tranny stories later!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do vagina's smell?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
