Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
