If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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