Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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