he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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