went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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