Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
