WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
