I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
