what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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