i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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