does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize